Days 16 & 17
It’s Not for Everybody
Not too long ago, I found myself in an especially dark
place. Working through my grief and the process as humans we go through when
dealing with something particularly difficult, had taken me to sadness, dropped
me off, and promptly left me there.
I didn’t want to leave my room, let alone
the house. I couldn’t bring myself to be social and if it was unavoidable, I
was surviving the situation until it was over.
Thankfully, I have amazing friends who've stood by me anyhow…
even though I was a flake and maybe still will be for a little while. I did my
best to be honest about why I wasn’t coming to their events, even though I was
embarrassed, and I feel like they did their best to understand.
I recognized that place. That darkness was familiar and easy
to slip into. I could have stayed there, planted firmly in the safety bubble of
emotional avoidance.
I heard Bridget Jones in
my head: “At times like this, continuing with one's life seems
impossible... and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable.
I have two choices: to give up and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and
eventual eating by alsatians, or not. And this time I choose not. I will not be
defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, I choose vodka.
And Chaka Khan.”
I picked myself up and made a call. A call I knew I needed
to make, but was dreading all the same. I called our health plan and got a
referral for a therapist.
I buy our corporate health insurance. A few years back, we
had a really scary mental health situation with an employee that hit us all
hard. We are a small company and our number one core value is that we are
family. I immediately made sure we put an Employee Assistance Plan in place
with our insurance. This allows employees three free visits to a therapist or
counselor through referral.
While three visits aren’t a lot, it’s a start. Having access
to that resource may be the difference it takes to help somebody pick up the
phone.
Today was my third visit to the therapist and each time gets
a little easier. The first visit I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I’m not
a crier. I had been holding back so much and just surviving that finally
talking through things and being honest with my feelings unleashed a torrent of
tears. I’m also not a pretty crier. I’m sure this stranger probably needed her
own therapy after that ;)
She understands my need for resources, checklists and action
plans, and has pointed me to some helpful Ted talks and websites.
The TED talk came first. I had never heard of Brene Brown
before, or really thought much about the topics she discussed. I found her talk
to be eye-opening, funny and inspiring. Opening yourself up to vulnerability
and accepting yourself isn’t easy.
The website came next…
http://www.self-compassion.org/. I’ve
done a lot of research in the past about positive self-talk and how often we
are not compassionate with ourselves. I truly believe if we were a little nicer
to ourselves first, we would all be living in a better world. This website has
an interesting quiz and some useful tools.
She also taught me some tricks about mindfulness, the need
to move my body through exercise to work through all of the ways I was stuck
and is helping me process my anxieties about being apart from Daniel during
shared parenting time.
Therapy isn’t for everybody. However, if you ever find
yourself in a dark place, I encourage you to reach out to whatever it is that
will work for you, hang on tight and pull yourself up.
Day 16:
I ate every 2-3 hours and drank as much water as I could
manage.
Advocare products:
- ·
Catalyst
- ·
Spark
- ·
Meal replacement shake
- ·
MNS MAX Control
- ·
Omegaplex
Food:
- ·
Breakfast:
- ·
Morning Snack:
- o
Hardboiled egg
- o
Banana
- ·
Lunch:
- o
Mark Schlereth’s Stinkin’ Good Green Chili –
Medium with Chicken
- ·
Afternoon Snack:
- ·
Dinner:
- o
Chick Fil A grilled nuggets, water
Exercise: One mile walk with Daniel and Zoe the Ridiculous,
baby reverse crunches, baby push-ups
Today:
I ate every 2-3 hours and drank as much water as I could
manage.
Advocare products:
- ·
Catalyst
- ·
Spark
- ·
Meal replacement shake
- ·
MNS MAX Control
- ·
Omegaplex
Food:
- ·
Breakfast:
- ·
Morning Snack:
- o
Hardboiled egg
- o
Banana
- ·
Lunch:
- o
Panera Power Chicken Salad without onion
(Chicken, spinach, tomatoes, hummus… I’m starting to worry I will turn into
hummus, I dream this ;)
- ·
Afternoon Snack:
- ·
Dinner:
- o
Tiger shrimp with veggies and green curry sauce
from Tokyo Joe’s
Exercise: One mile walk with Daniel, Ari and Zoe the
Ridiculous, baby reverse crunches, baby push-ups
Gratuitous Baby Photos:... oh yeah, he's cute!
If you are interested in doing your own 24 Day Challenge you
can order it from the Advocare Website at:
https://www.advocare.com/120531603/default.aspx,
or of course I am available to answer any questions you have or point you to
the right resource.
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